Good morning, my friends. I was reading some of your comments from my previous post (in the Benzo Recovery School) about not competing with others in our healing journey, and I wanted to share a few words on the topic. As we are all well aware, their stories are not our stories. It doesn't matter how long it took them to taper or what supplements worked or didn't work... because we are all different. That truly must be understood. There's far too much comparing and contrasting and measuring between our stories. We know why this happens. We are searching for a timeline and some kind of guide on how to navigate this journey.
But again, I must caution you. The reality is that we are all different!
One of the things I love the most about our recovery school is all of the positivity and all those lovely wins! We've seen people who couldn't get out of bed in acute withdrawal work themselves into positions where they can now travel, take their kids to school, and have some semblance of normalcy again. It's truly inspiring, but to some, it can also be overshadowing and painful. This often makes people anxious to share their wins because they don't want to make someone else feel worse. While this is commendable, I implore you not to go this way. And here's why.
Just because sharing a victory might overshadow someone else's struggles doesn't mean you shouldn't still share it. Please hear me on this. Post your victories! I've addressed this before. It's true. Sometimes, struggling people may feel jealous of your victories. They might even feel a little guilty or frustrated by their situation, but that's part of the ride. It's okay to deal with everyday emotions. Frustration, jealousy, envy, and anger are all normal emotions on this journey. The idea isn't to avoid them but to learn to move through them. Work through them. The good stuff is on the other side. Let me ask you a question. What is the alternative? Not sharing victories?
Wins/victories, no matter how seemingly small or trivial, will always be inspiring, even to those who aren't there yet. Especially to those not there yet! While it sometimes can be frustrating for them, they still see what is possible. More importantly, their limbic systems are seeing what is possible. The value in posting the good will always outweigh the bad. And believe me, I get it. During my time in acute withdrawal, I'd look out the window sometimes and see a neighbor walking their dog, and I'd get jealous! It was as though they were taunting me with their happiness and freedom! I wanted that!
The thing for all of us to remember is that we are all soldiers in the same war here. We are all on the same team, fighting the same battles with the same goals and dreams. If some positive posts are triggering, then you know what? Consider that a reflection of the work you must do because you should be able to rise above any frustration or jealousy and ultimately use it as motivation and inspiration. This is evidence of what is possible. Let it inspire you. Let it drive you. It won't happen overnight, of course, but it will happen. I promise you that. In the meantime, feeling frustrated or jealous of other people's success is okay. Just don't allow it to make you bitter. Don't allow it to dim your own heart. Use it as fuel.
What one man can do, another can do. That must become your mantra. Otherwise, you'll go in the other direction. The fear, sadness, and anger (symptoms of withdrawal) will further lie to you and convince you that you're somehow different. That you cannot achieve the same success. That you are undeserving of the same victories. My friends, this is the biggest lie and trap before you! And for many of us, this kind of talk and attitude began years before benzos. Often, it's born in our challenging or abusive childhoods or early life experiences. The work we are doing is bigger than merely tapering off the drug. We are putting the wrongs right. We are doing the algebra we neglected years ago. And we are putting out little fires that emerge in withdrawal before they get out of hand.
Post your victories. Sometimes, just getting out of bed and doing the dishes is a victory. Making it to the mailbox without a panic attack is a victory. Getting through our day is a victory. Learning to ask for reassurance less is a victory. Not beating yourselves up so much and fostering a little more grace is a victory. Not rushing to the hospital over some expected scary symptoms is a victory. Embrace your victories. It's baby steps, my friends. One small step daily, over time, leads to great distances. There is no leap-frogging.
The biggest obstacle many of us have early in our journey is gaining momentum. The war is won through a long string of smaller battles. Don't focus on winning the war. Focus on winning the smaller battles. In the process, you will win the war. Post your wins & be inspired by other people's wins. That breeds character. We can't always control how we feel or how things go, but we maintain our character. Be strong in yourselves. Strong people lift other people. They don't allow their jealousy or fears to turn them negative. Again, it's okay to feel those feelings. I certainly felt that way countless times, but then I'd reframe things. I worked on myself. Slowly, gradually, my attitude began to change for the better. You're no different than me. Keep going.
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